“I don’t have to referee anymore!” 
An elated executive I’ve been working with said he actually looked forward to going to work again.He had been dragging himself to the office for months feeling like he had to act like a parent to squabbling kids. Recently he let some long-time team members go.It was a painful process.
For months, he had tried to manage people on his team who would not perform. He was exhausted, and started to doubt his own ability to manage. Fortunately he hired new employees who brought new energy and capability to their roles.
When you find yourself spending too much time trying to keep the peace at work, here are three simple questions to ask:
1. Is it YOU?
If you’ve been consistently frustrated in your management role, it’s only natural to question yourself. “What am I doing wrong?” “Why can’t I motivate these people?” “Maybe I’m not really cut out for this position.”
Before blaming yourself, remind yourself of the success you’ve had so far. Review your strengths.
Every leader goes through turmoil at one time or another. Determine what’s really going on before you jump to conclusions about yourself.
Get objective feedback and perspective to help you see the situation clearly.
In some cases, you may be able to change your behavior or approach to see improvement. In other cases, no matter what you try, you may not see the results you want.
Keep working on your own development as a leader — in good times and bad.
It will pay off in the long run.
2. Is it THEM?
Perhaps.The situation may be especially sensitive when dealing with team members who have been with you for a long time.
There are a variety of reasons why some team members can become toxic:
- They refuse to embrace a new vision for the organization.
- They are too comfortable in their role, and don’t see the need to change.
- They have personal or political connections within the organization that they think protect them.
- They have been allowed to under perform for too long without consequences.
- They have an unrealistic view of their own capabilities.
Determine if the “people issues” you face are related to skill or attitude.
Attitudes are much harder to change.
If you think team members are at fault, clarify expectations for success. Reduce your tolerance for unacceptable behaviors. Take action, if needed.
3. What really needs to happen?
By allowing a negative situation to continue too long, you risk burning yourself out, and jeopardizing results. What can you do?
Act swiftly.
When addressing performance issues, focus on observable behaviors as opposed to making a judgmental comment about the person.
For example, you might say, “I notice when you refuse to share information with Sally, it slows down the process.” Do not say, ” You’re a stubborn person.”
Keep the bigger goal in mind.
Remind your team members why they’re expected to work together well in the first place. It’s likely they’ve placed too much negative attention on each other and lost sight of the bigger picture.
Their ability to work together is not only important for their own sake, but for the benefit of the business.
Suggest next steps.
Be clear and specific about next steps. State what you’d like to see happen by when. Point out the consequences if next steps are not followed.
In today’s business environment, you cannot afford to let employee disruption linger. One person’s spark of discontentment can spread like wildfire throughout your business.
Stop refereeing. Play a new game!
PS — If you’d like to discuss how to resolve a sensitive situation involving someone with whom you work, feel free to contact me.