Letting Go – How to Stop Replaying What Went Wrong

Sometimes you can’t stop replaying a negative work experience, even hours, days or weeks later. 

Maybe someone criticized you, questioned your decision, or simply didn’t respond the way you hoped. You already know you can’t please everyone, but knowing that intellectually doesn’t stop the loop.

Gayle Lantz notices that people tend to fall into two camps: the natural releasers, who can walk out of a hard conversation and wonder what’s for lunch, and the natural replayers, who carry it for days. If you’re in the second group, and Gayle admits she usually is, you need tools for interrupting the loop.

As she explains, “Letting go isn’t pretending that it didn’t matter; it’s just deciding it doesn’t get to keep taking up mental and emotional energy.”

In this episode, she walks through eight approaches worth experimenting with, including the one question she loves asking clients who are being hard on themselves. She also draws an important distinction between processing an experience and ruminating on it because talking it out can help, but telling the same story for the sixth time only digs the groove deeper.

And if you’ve been waiting on an apology, an explanation, or some form of vindication before you can move on, Gayle offers a few ways to create that closure yourself.

The goal isn’t to become someone who never gets bothered by anything. That’s not realistic, especially for conscientious leaders who care deeply about their impact. The goal is shortening your recovery time. 

Because there’s a real cost to holding on, it takes your energy, your attention, and your creativity, all of which could be pointed toward something far better.

This episode covers:

• The difference between natural releasers and natural replayers
• Processing vs. overanalyzing and how to tell which one you’re doing
• 8 approaches for interrupting the replay loop
• Why “just stop thinking about it” backfires
• How to create closure when no one else will give it to you
• Shortening your recovery time instead of shutting off your feelings